i got a terrible bout of homesickness this afternoon when i was supposed to be writing a paper for my last day of class tomorrow. i don't know where it came from because i really haven't been homesick at all since i've been here and only first few scary days in madrid. i laid down on my bed and tried to imagine myself back in chicago and all the exciting things that i will be doing next quarter. i'm better now (mostly) but it was just a really odd occurence. and i am so close.
the last five months have been maybe a bit more of a break from the world than i needed, but i'm glad for them nonetheless. i've made some conclusions about my life since i've been in london, the most important of which is that i am going to work in theatre for real when i graduate because i refuse to enter a profession that does not stir my soul and theatre is the one thing that does that the most. i've been jonesing to act and be creative so much this fall. it's almost like when i first left home to go to chicago and my legs would literally ache because i wanted to skate so badly and i couldn't. i physically need theatre in my life and i need to be a part of it's creation and not just a passive person in the audience. and i'm saying this after seeing (yesterday) probably the worst show i've ever seen in my life - god of hell by sam shephard. i was unsatisfied and offended and felt that the whole show was ill-conceived and pointless. but whatever, b/c even though that show is in my oppinion the worst thing that theatre can do - it was motivated by anger rather than a desire for truth and bordered on propaganda which, as edna st. vincent millay so wisely said, is not art - i still went to bed last night wanting to work in theatre.
so there life. take that. here i come.
and also, that ani song should have been the story of my life. should have been if i had any idea of what was best for me. and if other people stopped thinking that they did. i guess everything is timing/ i guess everything's been said/ so i am coming home with an empty head